The Big Mom Debate

Debates have always had me in rapt attention. I might not understand the context or have in-depth view of the said topic, but I enjoy a good argument worded rightly to be termed a debate. The one that has fancied me in the recent times has been the arguments, oops, debates among mothers about other mothers. To put it more precisely, it’s a debate between stay at home moms and working moms. I found the former more critical of the latter’s choices, with self-proclaimed badge of honor for being a doting mom.

Coming to the debate, so what exactly is it like to be either one of them. Lets first take the stay at home types. It is a sad reality that most women quit their career in order to take care of the little ones. The typical Indian mom has always been on the receiving end of bearing the responsibility of nurturing the child and looking after the house too. In my humble opinion it is a Himalayan task to put ones needs behind and attend to everyone else. India has the maximum number of qualified moms who sacrifice their dreams and aspirations for the well-being of the child. For all you know, the work of a stay at home mom is never ending and even more demanding than any other profession. Once the kids get into mainstream school there is ample time in her hand which creates a void in her. A void which gets filled with doubts and insecurities leading to stress and depression. That would be the effects on the mom; but what about the child? The over ambitious mom is at the beck and call 24/7 for 365 days. There are much more chances of having an entitled kid or over protective moms.

What about the other side of the debate? The working moms do not play a different ball game. They just play it differently. Now what exactly is different in their life? Women are known to be good at multi-tasking which in turn leads to more efficiency. Whatever may be the reason for their choice, the working moms have an added commitment to work and set personal goals to feel a sense of achievement.  Studies have proven that working moms suffer lesser bouts of depression and have lesser health issues. Due to time constraints, the kids learn to be independent at a much younger age and are less entitled than the former. The one on one time, though limited, becomes more precious and meaningful. It is not to say that the working moms have it all. They have their sets of guilt and doubts too. A tingling feeling of leaving sick ones at home or working on holidays have them in a fix.

Whether the woman is working or not, is totally irrelevant in India. The work load and stress are equally the same in both cases. In either scenario, the moms should keep track of their personal happiness. It should be the driving force in making crucial decisions. There is no such thing as one choice is better than the other. What suits one may not be suitable for the other. But whatever the choice may be, let it be yours. The one that satisfies and feeds your soul. We all have a limited time frame in this world; let us make the best out of it and not criticize each other. As woman braving this motherhood thing, let us all create a safe circle for each other and support moms everywhere, be it working or not. 

Cheers to motherhood.

Nithya Pradeep

Rebooting my life, with a smile.

 There is that sinking feeling again. In the labyrinth of my complex mind, I have literally faded. It’s been more than 365 days and the tomorrow that I have been waiting for have miserably failed to make its grand entry. Maybe, I was waiting for the golden moment to arrive every single day that I got used to waiting. “Waiting” another mind numbing word for procrastination. The one thing that I have mastered over the years. Now that I have become an expert procrastinator I have forgotten the actual driving force that was roaring within me. I shudder at the thought of what I have become. A bully. Yes, a bully who has been shushing the inner child from being free. With all the never ending menial tasks to do; telling it that it is selfish to nurture its soul; its true calling. Shushing it with all the negative thoughts and unleashed my inner demons mercilessly on the child. Lashed it so hard that the inner child has accepted defeat. It has lost its identity and started begging for compliments.  With zero confidence and self-hate the child lays writhing in pain. Is this what I am capable of after all? Maybe this is what drives people up the wall. Maybe, I am on that verge too. I sadly realize that I am the master of this chaos, this bottomless pit that is pulling me into its chasm.

This is exactly my thought process when I hit rock bottom. And believe me, this happens way too frequently. Just that the world around me is too busy to notice the pain the smile facades. Now don’t be quick to judge and call it depression. Not that depression is a taboo. This is the handiwork of the master procrastinator. And BHAM, another bout of self-awareness and self-motivation comes a full round, with a promise to start afresh tomorrow. There you go, “Tomorrow”.  Who on earth created the word “Tomorrow”. Like the false promise to a wailing kid that tomorrow will be the day for whatever the kid wanted. It’s like putting that imaginary pin pegged onto the imaginary world. My, my, I used to be a dreamer but in my heydays, I woke up from my dream to make it happen. Now I just reel in the pleasantness of the dream, wishing for it to somehow magically happen. Duh, it never does. And boy, I did learn it after 365 plus days. And the plus denoted to another random six months. I learnt that pain cannot to measured. But what else can be measured? Maybe your effort to turn the situation around. You can take your time to burn in this chaos. But staying down in the ashes will not work out. Now if I say to rise as a Phoenix would be too dramatic. Maybe, instead I just decided to stand up and mourn for all the lost time for one last time and dust myself. Dust myself of all the negativity I gathered, of all the doubts and inhibitions I lashed on the inner child. To be very honest, it was not easy. I needed a lot of coaxing, cajoling, pushing, yelling, cursing and what not to start again. So, here I am, finally, restarting my blog, after god know how many ages. To be fair on my part, it’s not a wise decision to look at the past mistakes. Rather to laugh at all the silly drama I created and to move ahead with a smile. A true genuine smile. So this is me again. Welcoming myself to my blog.

Nithya Pradeep 

Politics as a Profession.

“You have to dream before your dreams can come true” – APJ Abdul Kalam

Our former president of India couldn’t emphasize more on the importance of having a vision and working towards realizing it. A dream loses its essence and fades away from memory if there is no effort to bring it to life. Dr. Kalam’s vision for India is in essence, every Indians dream; A dream to see a developed nation by 2020. And which mostly lies in the hands of our young ignited minds.

India has the potential and the capabilities to become a super power. Our education system boasts of the largest turnout of scientist, researchers and leaders in all fields. But sadly, most of these minds work for foreign lands where the scope for recognition and growth is high when compared to the same fields being dominated by experienced minds in India. The Indian mindset as such believes in working with the tried and tested methods than taking risks with younger fresher talents with out of the box thinking. We are in dire need of fresh ideas and young thinkers who dream big and also strive hard to make it a reality.

The crux of education is not just identifying alphabets, but designing and reshaping our destiny. The destiny of India lies in the hand of those who rule them, the politicians. The need of the hour is young educated minds brimming with political knowledge and managerial skills to run the nation. The biggest strength of the Indian youth is the high exposure to entrepreneurial and management education, along with sharp and incisive education in economics.  Politics has slowly started to attract a small group of educated youngsters with big ideas. But we need more youngsters in this field. Education coupled with patriotism will surely steer our nation in the right path towards goal.

There has been too much negative journalism about corrupt Indian politicians and too many fingers pointing towards the dooms day. But little will change unless we create an urge among youngsters to enter politics as a profession. Many universities conduct course on Political Science with not much turn out. Why does it not attract much interest like B.E, M.B.B.S or MBA? I would purely blame it on marketing and lack of exposure to this field. Aspiring youngsters are lured to other prospective fields with the goal of high incentives while politics is feared at. Politics could also become a professional course with proper guidance and exposure to the field. Seminars and projects are already part of our education system. Let us take it to the next level with certified coaching centers and training programs for aspiring politicians. Let us inculcate a love for the field with campaigns and projects. What better way do we need than the social media to propagate and garner interest of the youth.

Procuring a job in IT involves graduation in IT followed by a certified course in JAVA, ORACLE etc. and then the candidates go under a panel of interviews and test to get placed. Why not start the trend in Politics too. Aspiring candidates must complete their degree and join a certified center recognized by the Government itself and interviews shall be held by authorized knowledgeable senior  politicians electing an MLA or an MP. This will make “Politics” a profession and not just a dirty game.

Most of our problems persists and multiply because we do not relate to our country. What we lack is sincerity to work and loyalty to our country. Let us look deeper into the problem and find a way to solve it than to place the blame on corrupt politicians. There is immense promise in the thoughts and actions of the youngsters who crave for a better way of life. We have a unified dream, a cherish path to see a developed nation in the hand of our children. Let us give them the right platform to transform India into a superpower with our young ignited minds. As Dr. Kalam said “To succeed in our mission we need to have single minded devotion to our goal”. Jai Hind. 

Dress Code – Revealed

 “The finest clothing made is a person’s skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this” – Mark Twain.

Apparel is often the reflection of the mind, emphasizing on personal freedom and expression. But, when the freedom comes at the cost of public outcry, we pause to stop and look at the root cause for this tumult.  Dubai, being a land of opportunities, is a potpourri of various nationalities. With the diversified mix of nationals there is a convergence of different cultures and accepted standards of living. What one finds as an expression to freedom, the others see it as lewd and repulsive.

The heated argument is what constitutes as acceptably modest dress and vulgarity is as varied as the residents of Dubai. “When in Rome, be a Roman”, but as long as we are not sure about what Romans do or feel, the expats are left lurking the dark. Most of the Expats do agree that they are ignorant of the strict dress code in public places. When they see a number of people wearing skimpy clothes in malls and restaurants, they assume it is acceptable clothing in Dubai and follow suit. The warning sings in mall entrances are not strong enough to enforce the rule on visitors and are mostly ignored.

Longtime residents of Dubai are aware of the dress code during the month of Ramadan, but believe it to be non-existent otherwise. The issue is taking a nasty turn with many Emirati terming expats as being insensitive to the values of Muslims and corrupting the minds of youngsters. The prevalent sentiment echoed by the Emiratis is the discomfort to be around a swimming pool, clad in Abhaya, while the rest just flaunt around ,their stuff itself is ghastly. Why would they want to see skin in the malls too?

For the world, Dubai projects the High Life with innovative buildings and manmade wonders blurring the other Emirates steeped in tradition. It is a rare sight to see a foreigner dressed in revealing clothes in Abu Dhabi or Sharjah due to the fact that it is heavily populated by the Emirati and the expats who reside there have accepted their way of life. Dubai being a melting pot, the demarcation is bleak with bikini being acceptable in beach and dressing below the knee at public places. “Dubai is pretty tolerant to foreigners and I have always assumed that what I wear reflects my personality. I have been started at on many occasions for the shorts and tank tops, but have never been questioned about it giving me the impression that it’s ok. Now that I know of the issue I am willing to cover up”, says Carla Wilson, from South Wales.

The need of the hour is extensive awareness drive as done by the British Embassy last year to educate their citizens of what is the accepted standard of living in Dubai. A better understanding of our host nation will bring an amicable solution than passing a law enforcing dress code. A young Emirati feels that imposing a law would drive away tourist, and make UAE appear as a hostile nation to Women. “We need to clarify our stand and educate the public about our rich culture and garner respect, instead of shunning them away with a law”.

The case boils down to both parties agreeing on the need of a standardized dress code. Enforcing a law is viewed by many as a bitter medicine to cure the disease plaguing UAE. While the expat view it as a whip on their back, and would prefer a milder approach enabling them to coexist in harmony with the Emiratis.

No one is striving here to prove a point with their outlook, but what they need to realize is that Emiratis have a style of their own which exuberates with the confidence and values and not by means of appearance.

Nithya Kamakshi Pradeep

Rethinking Gender Biases.

Feminism and related theories have been floating around the globe and media for a very long time with many bearing fruit in highlighting the plight of women and their issues. The so called weaker sex has somehow got a firm grip on their gender defined roles. But have we ever stopped to think about the other sex, the men folk who are also pinched by the various masculine stereotypes?

There are several instances where women have broken through stereotypes and roles set for them. Gone are the days when women were pushed in the kitchen to take care of household chores and stay meek and coy. Yet, while women are breaking new ground almost every day, we hear little about men who are breaking out of moulds. If women feel they are forced into stereotypes, what about men? Are they not expected to always be strong, hard-working, and aggressive, earn money for the family, drink at social gatherings and hold a stern posture even at the face of adversity? These are roles forced on men by society and any men wanting to break away from these expectations faces ostracism and is considered effeminate.

Most foreigners visiting Asian regions openly criticize men for their small built, long straight hair and feminine features. People mock men who go for a plastic surgery to correct their appearance and for the huge colorful bags that they sport. Why are men subject to such criticism…? Is it because men are expected to have six pack muscles, with military cut hair and tucked in formal wear even when they are on a trip to Hawaii or because the idiot box portrays such men as the real hero and the rest as jokers from a deck of cards?

Due to such stereotyping, many men stifle parts of their personalities, often the more creative parts because they feel they must conform to the norms set by the society. There are umpteen numbers of men who have given up their dream to be accepted as a part of the society. I have come across simple men who have been caregivers for women in their families, fathers who cherish the joys of bringing up a daughter, men who come to terms with their sexuality etc.

Media also plays a major role in this gender bias. Media portrays images of the strong, aggressive, macho male with very few ads acknowledging the feminine side of men, the dominant image still remains the same. Men are considered weak and ineffectual if they cannot demonstrate male strengths. And even though much has changed in terms of women’s status, these overwhelming expectations continue to burden the men who want to be different. What gives us the right to judge other people and their lifestyle? Why can’t we just let people be as whatever they want and accept them with their differences. Growing up with such gender biases we are further pushing our kids in a mould that restrict their growth as an individual. As kids we asked so many questions and every sentence started with “Why”. Why have we stopped to question the norms once we grow up and meekly stare at the stereotypes and blindly follow them? Why not break the shackles free and live the life that we cherish in our dreams. Every individual has the right to follow his instincts and be free from any biases, be it male or female stereotypes.

It’s a pity to note that often men face as lonely a battle at breaking away from stereotypes as do women which goes unnoticed in this fast paced society. Just as women have chipped away at all-male domains and opened up for themselves and altered some gender stereotypes, men too are beginning to question accepted societal norms for male behavior and roles. They are taking a chance at being different. We need to acknowledge and accommodate these in the long term, as there can be no lasting change for women if men also don’t change.

Life Inside Me!

Nithya Kamakshi Pradeep.

Everyone goes through various phases in life: From childhood to teenager; teenager to an adult; from adulthood to a parent. Being in the threshold of the phases of life holds much apprehension and mixed feelings. Becoming a parent is an incredible milestone in ones life and the thought of a new life growing from within is a true miracle that many fail to understand. The prospect of becoming a mother for the first time can lead to emotions ranging from pure joy to absolute terror. A woman transforms practically overnight into a mechanical incubator torn apart with every emotions imaginable. Fear and joy are intertwined into thoughts of the future, clouding this immense moment.

Few months ago I discovered that I am in the family way, changing my world forever, a simple preface to the considerably intricate phenomenon of life. My eyes smile at me at my reflection in the mirror, shining with excitement, blurred by questions and incredulity, I put my hand on my tummy and smile “Am I really having a life inside me?”. How amazing and wonderful life turns out to be in moments. No more Coffee, no more cola, old lifestyle comes to a screeching halt and life starts. How great it feels to get over my weaknesses, as I am acting instinctively on what's best for our baby, our sweet child is, without knowing, prompting what is best for me. A commitment to a new life that sets me free...to live and love unconditionally.

The first and foremost fear that struck me was the lack of knowledge of rearing a child. With the Net and umpteen number of parenting books put me back in track and I landed up reading all that I can about pregnancy and childcare. Reading all these pregnancy and parenting books gave me an assurance to glide through the initial phase until the day we saw the first scan and heartbeat of our little wonder. There are many aspects of pregnancy that were absolutely pleasurable. The recognition of the first kick, hearing the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler, seeing the ultrasound photos, talking to other expectant parents to share in their experiences and most important of all preparing for the baby's arrival. Even daydreaming about what our baby would look like or if it is going to be a boy or a girl.

Being in the final trimester seems to take a lifetime. One day it feels like the baby will take an eternity to make its arrival but the next moment it feels like things are changing before I can gather time to face the situation and even feels like I will never be ready to hold him in my arms. One beautiful hobby that has now become my daily activity is recording the joyful moments of pregnancy in the form of a journal. It’s more a scrapbook to record those spectacular events like the first kick and to store the entire ultrasound photo.

Despite all these fears and mixed emotions, the constant encouragement and pure excitement from grandparents-to-be and the equally exuberant father-to-be keeps my spirit high. It is often said that a mother and baby are born together, bonded by an instinct no words can describe. The most extreme happiness is shared in that moment between the two and all worries are vanquished for this brief time.

Pregnancy has become a very interesting metaphor in my life. Daily challenges, unexplainable pain, but little glimpses of joy along the way. Once things settle down, I am sure we won't be able to imagine a life without our pride and our little bundle of joy.

Vegging out in Ulsan

Nithya Kamakshi Pradeep.

Part of living in a new country is trying new things, which includes trying new food, but when new foods contradict your personal ethics or philosophies, this can be hard. Eating out as a vegetarian in Korea can be tiring, but Ulsan takes the cake. Ulsan’s restaurants offer some fine options for the less particular amongst us, but the majority is hardly vegetarian friendly.

The vegetarian diet has increased in popularity. While many people are vegetarian for cultural, religious or ecological reasons, sticking to ones principles while socializing in Korea is difficult but not impossible. Contrary to the general belief, a county with Buddhist influences such as South Korea has very little to offer for vegetarians and vegans. And the worst part is being scorned at by meat-lovers who invariably fail to understand that vegetarianism is a choice of life for many.

The health benefits associated with vegetarianism go beyond simply having better eating habits. According to dieticians around the world, “Vegetarian diets have been credited with decreasing the incidence or severity of heart disease, hypertension, biventricular disease, cancer, colon, prostate and lung, and osteoporosis and gallstones. In addition to being richer in fruits and vegetables, vegetarian diets tend to be lower in total fat”.

Most vegetarians do much of the cooking at home, not for the love of cooking, but for the satisfaction of not eating any meat accidently. Korea is not an easy place to be a vegetarian but having a Korean write down on a piece of paper what you don’t want in a dish, works out much simpler. In spite of being specific, sometimes your food could still contain animal products, Korean call it “service”. People here just take the animal product out of the dish while the taste and partial remains still exist. Unfortunately, it will probably happen that you will accidentally eat animal products here, even if you are careful. Why does being a vegetarian pose such a dilemma in Korea? Vegetarianism is not a Korean concept and Koreans pity people who do not eat meat. Instead of blaming them, we should try to work our way around.

If you have decided to cook your own meal, then locating the right ingredients could pose a major problem. Finding lentils, chickpeas, extra-firm tofu, Indian spices, coconut milk, good cheese and other staples of the vegetarian diet might be next to impossible in a normal Korean store. There are several grocery stores that cater to the foreign pallet, like the Foreigner’s Town (052-245-5161, 227-2010), Asian Food Mart (in Bangeojin), and Asia Shipping Co. (018-580-1031) all offer a good variety of lentils, chick peas, curry powders and more. In upscale department stores, like COSTCO there is usually a foreign food section offering a wide variety of canned food.

If you are not the kind who would like to toil in the kitchen and would prefer to eat out, then there are vegetarian options in Ulsan, although few. Indo Yohang restaurant in old downtown (behind CGV), Ocean View restaurant near Ilsan Beach (052-235-7777), CHAI restaurant in Samsan-dong (052-903-8889), and Ulsan Vegelove Vegetarian Restaurant in Jung-Gu, Boksan (052-297-4844, 017-872-2038) are excellent vegetarian options. Veggie-specific restaurants are not abundant in Korea other than offering the temple food, but most foreign restaurants and Indian restaurants offer delicious vegetarian dishes.

Being a vegetarian in Korea requires more determination than what is required back home. It takes more work to maintain a healthy veggie lifestyle in Korea with a lack of dining out options, but it’s worth it in the long run!