The Big Mom Debate

Debates have always had me in rapt attention. I might not understand the context or have in-depth view of the said topic, but I enjoy a good argument worded rightly to be termed a debate. The one that has fancied me in the recent times has been the arguments, oops, debates among mothers about other mothers. To put it more precisely, it’s a debate between stay at home moms and working moms. I found the former more critical of the latter’s choices, with self-proclaimed badge of honor for being a doting mom.

Coming to the debate, so what exactly is it like to be either one of them. Lets first take the stay at home types. It is a sad reality that most women quit their career in order to take care of the little ones. The typical Indian mom has always been on the receiving end of bearing the responsibility of nurturing the child and looking after the house too. In my humble opinion it is a Himalayan task to put ones needs behind and attend to everyone else. India has the maximum number of qualified moms who sacrifice their dreams and aspirations for the well-being of the child. For all you know, the work of a stay at home mom is never ending and even more demanding than any other profession. Once the kids get into mainstream school there is ample time in her hand which creates a void in her. A void which gets filled with doubts and insecurities leading to stress and depression. That would be the effects on the mom; but what about the child? The over ambitious mom is at the beck and call 24/7 for 365 days. There are much more chances of having an entitled kid or over protective moms.

What about the other side of the debate? The working moms do not play a different ball game. They just play it differently. Now what exactly is different in their life? Women are known to be good at multi-tasking which in turn leads to more efficiency. Whatever may be the reason for their choice, the working moms have an added commitment to work and set personal goals to feel a sense of achievement.  Studies have proven that working moms suffer lesser bouts of depression and have lesser health issues. Due to time constraints, the kids learn to be independent at a much younger age and are less entitled than the former. The one on one time, though limited, becomes more precious and meaningful. It is not to say that the working moms have it all. They have their sets of guilt and doubts too. A tingling feeling of leaving sick ones at home or working on holidays have them in a fix.

Whether the woman is working or not, is totally irrelevant in India. The work load and stress are equally the same in both cases. In either scenario, the moms should keep track of their personal happiness. It should be the driving force in making crucial decisions. There is no such thing as one choice is better than the other. What suits one may not be suitable for the other. But whatever the choice may be, let it be yours. The one that satisfies and feeds your soul. We all have a limited time frame in this world; let us make the best out of it and not criticize each other. As woman braving this motherhood thing, let us all create a safe circle for each other and support moms everywhere, be it working or not. 

Cheers to motherhood.

Nithya Pradeep

Rebooting my life, with a smile.

 There is that sinking feeling again. In the labyrinth of my complex mind, I have literally faded. It’s been more than 365 days and the tomorrow that I have been waiting for have miserably failed to make its grand entry. Maybe, I was waiting for the golden moment to arrive every single day that I got used to waiting. “Waiting” another mind numbing word for procrastination. The one thing that I have mastered over the years. Now that I have become an expert procrastinator I have forgotten the actual driving force that was roaring within me. I shudder at the thought of what I have become. A bully. Yes, a bully who has been shushing the inner child from being free. With all the never ending menial tasks to do; telling it that it is selfish to nurture its soul; its true calling. Shushing it with all the negative thoughts and unleashed my inner demons mercilessly on the child. Lashed it so hard that the inner child has accepted defeat. It has lost its identity and started begging for compliments.  With zero confidence and self-hate the child lays writhing in pain. Is this what I am capable of after all? Maybe this is what drives people up the wall. Maybe, I am on that verge too. I sadly realize that I am the master of this chaos, this bottomless pit that is pulling me into its chasm.

This is exactly my thought process when I hit rock bottom. And believe me, this happens way too frequently. Just that the world around me is too busy to notice the pain the smile facades. Now don’t be quick to judge and call it depression. Not that depression is a taboo. This is the handiwork of the master procrastinator. And BHAM, another bout of self-awareness and self-motivation comes a full round, with a promise to start afresh tomorrow. There you go, “Tomorrow”.  Who on earth created the word “Tomorrow”. Like the false promise to a wailing kid that tomorrow will be the day for whatever the kid wanted. It’s like putting that imaginary pin pegged onto the imaginary world. My, my, I used to be a dreamer but in my heydays, I woke up from my dream to make it happen. Now I just reel in the pleasantness of the dream, wishing for it to somehow magically happen. Duh, it never does. And boy, I did learn it after 365 plus days. And the plus denoted to another random six months. I learnt that pain cannot to measured. But what else can be measured? Maybe your effort to turn the situation around. You can take your time to burn in this chaos. But staying down in the ashes will not work out. Now if I say to rise as a Phoenix would be too dramatic. Maybe, instead I just decided to stand up and mourn for all the lost time for one last time and dust myself. Dust myself of all the negativity I gathered, of all the doubts and inhibitions I lashed on the inner child. To be very honest, it was not easy. I needed a lot of coaxing, cajoling, pushing, yelling, cursing and what not to start again. So, here I am, finally, restarting my blog, after god know how many ages. To be fair on my part, it’s not a wise decision to look at the past mistakes. Rather to laugh at all the silly drama I created and to move ahead with a smile. A true genuine smile. So this is me again. Welcoming myself to my blog.

Nithya Pradeep