Life Inside Me!

Nithya Kamakshi Pradeep.

Everyone goes through various phases in life: From childhood to teenager; teenager to an adult; from adulthood to a parent. Being in the threshold of the phases of life holds much apprehension and mixed feelings. Becoming a parent is an incredible milestone in ones life and the thought of a new life growing from within is a true miracle that many fail to understand. The prospect of becoming a mother for the first time can lead to emotions ranging from pure joy to absolute terror. A woman transforms practically overnight into a mechanical incubator torn apart with every emotions imaginable. Fear and joy are intertwined into thoughts of the future, clouding this immense moment.

Few months ago I discovered that I am in the family way, changing my world forever, a simple preface to the considerably intricate phenomenon of life. My eyes smile at me at my reflection in the mirror, shining with excitement, blurred by questions and incredulity, I put my hand on my tummy and smile “Am I really having a life inside me?”. How amazing and wonderful life turns out to be in moments. No more Coffee, no more cola, old lifestyle comes to a screeching halt and life starts. How great it feels to get over my weaknesses, as I am acting instinctively on what's best for our baby, our sweet child is, without knowing, prompting what is best for me. A commitment to a new life that sets me free...to live and love unconditionally.

The first and foremost fear that struck me was the lack of knowledge of rearing a child. With the Net and umpteen number of parenting books put me back in track and I landed up reading all that I can about pregnancy and childcare. Reading all these pregnancy and parenting books gave me an assurance to glide through the initial phase until the day we saw the first scan and heartbeat of our little wonder. There are many aspects of pregnancy that were absolutely pleasurable. The recognition of the first kick, hearing the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler, seeing the ultrasound photos, talking to other expectant parents to share in their experiences and most important of all preparing for the baby's arrival. Even daydreaming about what our baby would look like or if it is going to be a boy or a girl.

Being in the final trimester seems to take a lifetime. One day it feels like the baby will take an eternity to make its arrival but the next moment it feels like things are changing before I can gather time to face the situation and even feels like I will never be ready to hold him in my arms. One beautiful hobby that has now become my daily activity is recording the joyful moments of pregnancy in the form of a journal. It’s more a scrapbook to record those spectacular events like the first kick and to store the entire ultrasound photo.

Despite all these fears and mixed emotions, the constant encouragement and pure excitement from grandparents-to-be and the equally exuberant father-to-be keeps my spirit high. It is often said that a mother and baby are born together, bonded by an instinct no words can describe. The most extreme happiness is shared in that moment between the two and all worries are vanquished for this brief time.

Pregnancy has become a very interesting metaphor in my life. Daily challenges, unexplainable pain, but little glimpses of joy along the way. Once things settle down, I am sure we won't be able to imagine a life without our pride and our little bundle of joy.